make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
