things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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