the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
