Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
