i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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