4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
