the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
