I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
