More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
