Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
