Whoa Z and x make the same sound
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
