Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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