alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
