I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sext me about skeletons
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
