She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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