Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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