about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
