Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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