If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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