I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
