you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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