I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
