hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
