so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
