Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just gift wrapped bread.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
