Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
