You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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