maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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