arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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