its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
