You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
