no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
