if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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