I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
