who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
