Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
