hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
