Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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