Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
