Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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