If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
