The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
