why didn't you poke me back
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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