This is not my ceiling
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
