I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
