Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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