He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
