Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
