A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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