That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
